FRIDAY OF THE FOURTH WEEK OF LENT
Personally,
I have always struggled with tests. I remember my overwhelming nervousness over
state standardized testing and constantly questioning, “What if I don’t pass?”
and “Will I have to repeat this grade again?” This annual testing was the
nightmare of first through tenth grades with these plaguing questions repeating
over and over in my head. I had the privilege to attend one of the best public
high schools in the state, so why did I worry so much? Nonetheless, testing
continues to bring about my fear of failure and my sense that I am not enough. The
Book of Wisdom shares how can one not be fearful
that “I am not enough” for God when it comes to my own time of judgment?
“With
revilement and torture let us put him to the test
that we may have proof of his gentleness
and try his patience.”
“Let
us condemn him to a shameful death”
“…for
their wickedness blinded them”
This is a question
that I ask myself nearly every day. Perhaps it is words like, “The Lord is
close to the brokenhearted” that serve as consolation and comfort for my fears.
I hear over and over that “God will never give me more than I can handle” and
that he seeks to strengthen me through my seemingly daunting challenges.
However, when you fall far enough that you really believe that you are simply
the brokenhearted that stands alone without God, fearful of the torture and
shameful death that may one day ensue, what is to pick you up?
“I
know him, because I am from him, and he sent me.”
Jesus is of God and the Holy Spirit,
but don’t we also know Him too? (God that is.) At the very least, it is our
faith seeking journey to know Him. We are created in His image after all,
right? In the Catholic faith our image of God is laid out as "God created man in his own image…
Man occupies a unique place in creation: (I) he is "in the image of
God"; (II) in his own nature he unites the spiritual and material worlds;
(III) he is created "male and female"; (IV) God established him in
his friendship. (Catechism 355) It’s as
simple as friendship but as grandiose as the tallest, largest, most beautiful
mountain to ever exist. Friendship with our loving and gracious God, who sent
his only son to save us; no wonder this testing and struggling to be enough
seems constantly overwhelming. God loves us more than we can fathom, consistently
shares His endless mercy and seeks to console us at our most vulnerable, if we
just let Him. Yet it feels like a scale that is constantly weighed down my
God’s unending love. How can we possibly prove to be enough in this divine
friendship?
I by no means have an answer, but
undoubtedly seek to understand my worth by seeking God’s perspective. In this
Lenten season, may we have a chance to seek God’s viewpoint as he sent his only
son to die for us. May we seek to view others with that same mercy and
unconditional love as God does. May we seek to combat our own fears by simply
relying on the friendship that God shares with us every day, whether we notice
it or not.
Erin Twiehaus is the Campus Ministry PRAY intern.
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